Adult Sexual Gratification

The Sexual Fulfillment by Joan. Part 3.

REINFORCE HIS/HER ENJOYMENT

Once things are underway, it is critically important that you repeatedly verbalize and demonstrate your approval. Cuddle or kiss your spouse as the guest is providing more intimate stimulation. Whisper words of love or encouragement to your spouse as he/she is getting turned-on by whatever the guest is doing to him/her.

If the encounter moves to intercourse with the guest; participate by holding, kissing and/or cuddling your spouse during and after the intimacy. Above all, make sure your spouse experiences orgasmic pleasure, even if you have to step in to complete what has been started. If it has been good for both of them, encourage all to cuddle and hug and rest together. If it has been less than good for your spouse, nudge the guest aside and make sure it is good for him/her.

Let there be a period of time after intimacy has concluded for the three of you to relax and talk. Maybe there will be another round of shared pleasure. Maybe there will be some open expressions of how things went by your guest, your spouse, or you. After the guest has left, demonstrate your passion for your spouse with lots of kisses, caressing, cuddling and intimacy.

If things went well, be sure that both you and your spouse have contact with the guest soon after the night of shared pleasure. Plan toward a second time for the three of you together. Don't let it be a one-nighter and don't push for your own extra partner at this point.

If things did not go well (and sometimes they don't), thank the guest, and plan on a (strictly-social) contact with that person in the near future just to give them a chance to review their thoughts away from the situation. AND, give your spouse extra loving and emotional support. Don't let a less-than-successful one-time event be allowed to set the expectation level of either you or your spouse.

Plan to try it again soon (with someone else), while the best parts of a less-than-successful encounter are still prominent in each of your minds.

Assuming it was a pleasurable experience for both you and your spouse, re-live it over and over again during your shared one-on-one lovemaking. Plan a second and third "gift" for him/her, before ever pushing for an extra partner for yourself. Sometimes this last piece of advice is not necessary, but if there is a disparity in desire for variety (between spouses), it is wise to give the more hesitant spouse a few really good `extra partner experiences' before suggesting that turn about is fair play.

Finally, don't give your spouse the idea that overnight you want to change your entire lifestyle... that you want an extra person in your sex life every night. Make a pact that extra partner sex is the spice you can both add to your everyday shared sex life. Re-live the experiences as you cuddle at night... and agree to explore such new adventures on an occasional basis (depending upon the couple, that may end up quarterly, monthly or weekly). But, once you and your spouse have invited an extra person into your sex life once, don't let it stop there. Invite that person back, or (better yet) invite a new person next time.

SHARED RECREATIONAL SEX CAN RE-NEW RELATIONSHIPS

One couple often wrote to me (beginning before they made the intentional decision to try Recreational Sex together). After their first few experiences, he wrote: "Our life together has never been better. There is so much we do together, sexually and emotionally, that it's like we are newlyweds again, as if we are sharing a second life together."

He went on, "I have enjoyed another woman, my first other woman. It was thrilling and exciting, and gave me a window into (my wife's) desires." Later he treated his wife to an extra guy.

But, before that, they had an experience with another couple. After that experience the two of them had a fantastic night of sex together, reliving their new sexual adventure. Her note the next day, "WHAT A NIGHT!!! We had the best night of our marriage. It was more exciting than our first time, and more magical than any fantasy!!!"

She also went on to say, "Why I waited so long I'll never understand. Things are going along so splendidly. Our love-making is better than ever. My husband has been so tender and loving with me. Sometimes I yearn for it to be a little rough, but I'm not complaining. I intend to tell him that I want it different from time to time (our new openness), but for now, I just want him to love me any way he wants.

"I told him that last night was wonderful (the night of our first MFM threesome). I had never been more pleasured. But, that it wasn't the other guy I was thinking about. I only saw him as an extension of my husband.

"Everything that happened was centered around me. But, for me, all the sex, all the fucking, was my dear husband pleasuring me. I don't know if that makes sense. It does somehow to me. I want to be able to explain it better to my loving mate.

"You know, Joan, we have new feelings to explore, to cultivate and to allow to grow. It's almost like meeting and courting anew. Can't really explain it. I've heard of people who have found higher levels to their relationships, but this is like he has met a new person, a new me, and he doesn't even know the heights we can go to together, nor do I yet."

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